Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize