I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize