just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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