also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
