I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
