Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
