so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
