Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
