I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
