His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She's JV to your varsity
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he was CRYING into my vagina
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
