As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
