When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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