im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
