everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
