i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I currently don't understand fingers.
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