apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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