I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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