I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The feeling are messing with the penis
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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