I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
