Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
