We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
