If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
