just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
