Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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