Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
