well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
