I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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