I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
