guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
