I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
