It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
