i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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