you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
someone owes me an orgasm
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
