this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
