3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Lo siento on account of my penis...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
