my soul wont recognize me after tonight
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
