I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
