He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I pour the whiskey from now on
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
