Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
