All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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