i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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