Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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