..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
