We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
