she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was born a porn star she said
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
