When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
