I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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