I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
