Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
