we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
