that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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