my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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