You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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