Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I cut my penus on the lid.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
