halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
tell me about the eggs
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
