I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
