I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
