Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize