It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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