Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
