omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize