Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
