no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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