Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
