if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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