If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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