I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he was CRYING into my vagina
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
