I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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