he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
