im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
