I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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