FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
