Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
