Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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